As I sit back and reflect while doing the dishes of all things, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed and tears fill my eyes so I can hardly see. I have seen and felt so much. So much of it I am not sure I ever want to experience again, but all I can say while tightening my jaw to keep the sobs away is, “Thank you Lord.”
I have witnessed such pain and loss on such a close level that at times, I felt like there was a hurricane of chaos and darkness swirling all around, and all I could do was watch with a breaking heart.
But in that pain was such beauty, such grace, and so much evidence of God’s love that my heart breaks with as much joy as it does sadness.
“Sorrow may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”
“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.” Psalm 30:11
The thing that I would want to say, would be that so many lives were lost this year. But a beautiful perspective was granted me. Picture this. So many souls gathered at the pearly gates and presented themselves before the throne of God. People that I knew and loved. Little souls I never had the joy of knowing, People I loved from a distance and people that I know next to nothing about. But they all had one thing in common. My sweet Jesus loved every single one of them, whether they knew it or not.
I watched as some of the people who are closest to me went through more pain and loss than anyone should have to carry. But I watched as they carried it with such grace, acceptance and strength. And then, my focus zoomed out, and I saw the God they served, carrying them and their burdens in His arms.
This year, I saw Battles, big and small. I saw battles won, and battles lost. I saw victory, and I saw defeat. Little to large, they are all precious memories.
I have experience moments of worship and awe that I can only hope to describe with mortal tongue.
I have experienced the joys of simple things. Work well done. A custom order that was loved by its owner. Sunny skies. Beach days and Snow days. Creating Music and sharing it with others. Washing dishes.
And joy in the large things. Provision. Jobs for my brothers. A trip to Georgia with my bro, Luke. Loved ones going to see Jesus. Seeing my business grow. A new life on it’s way for another loved one. time spent with family. A house for brothers. A dream come true. Several in fact. And so many other countless things I could never hope to name.
It has been a year of ups and downs, joys and sorrows. Of gifts and graces. My heart has felt so much and experienced so much that I don’t ever want to forget.
I am so grateful and in awe of what God has done and who He is. My heart feels like it has grown so much and the capacity for what it can feel has exponentially increased.
Grateful and by God’s Grace,