“Lower the gun.”
The order was the last thing I wanted to follow. I had been taught all of my life that you do what you are told. That if you do, you won’t get in trouble and that you will live long and prosper on this earth.
But now, as I stood here, holding a gun in my trembling hands and pointing it at my own mother, the only conscientious choice that I had was to disobey the woman who had given me life.
I knew it wasn’t her in there. Her mind had been warped and twisted by the drugs they had given her. She had no idea that she was holding a knife to my little brother’s throat, and if she did somehow comprehend what she was doing, she certainly wasn’t understanding the puport of such an action.
The tears in my little brother’s brown eyes and the tousled mess that was his hair as he poked his head out of the crook of my mother’s arm made my heart tremble and the sight of the knife starting to draw blood on his throat made me want to vomit.
“Mom, you don’t know what you are doing, just put the knife down, okay?”
“You don’t understand, I have to do this.”
“No, you don’t.” If only I could go back to that day when they told me that the only way they could save my mother was by giving her the untested drugs. I would tell them no and snatch her away from them. By attempting to save my mother, they had only lost her. She was so lost within that head of hers and so far away that I wondered if I would ever be able to reach her.
“If you don’t drop the knife, I’m going to have to shoot. Please don’t make me shoot you, mom.” My voice broke and rasped against the last word. Nothing ever really prepares you for the heart break of when your mother isn’t really your mother anymore.
Her hand started to shake and a little bit of hope sprang in my heart. She always started to shake when she wasn’t sure what to do. I pressed my advantage.
“You can do it, just drop the knife.”
“I – can’t.” Her voice was broken and the grey eyes that she started straight into mine with made my stomach turn over. They looked like an imprisoned child trying so desperately to get out.
“Yes. You. Can.” I breathed deep, keeping my voice even.
Her hand loosened and I swallowed against the bile in the back of my throat. The knife wavered in her hand and I thought for just one second that she might drop it. Relief flowed through me one split second too early. It was then that my life changed. Again.
What do you think?
By God’s Grace,