A Letter To The Top Shelf


 

To the Top Shelf:

As a rule, I’m not one for genocide. . .

However, I wouldn’t be one to complain if you were eliminated completely from my life. I appreciate the extra storage, I really do, but I feel like there are better alternatives. I could get a much more pleasant shelf to take your place.

You constantly mock me. Just by your very presence, but we won’t even go through the number of times that things get knocked over that rest on top of you. You know full well that it will drive me crazy to leave it, so I attempt, by ladder, tip-toe, or any other desperate measure to right the wrong you have committed. However, this act generally causes more things to fall over, furthering my frustration instead of making things better.

Dusting you is almost the worst. The opportunity for more havoc is exponentially increased.

And really, the fact of the matter is, you are everywhere. No matter where I am in life, I will always look up at you with fear, loathing and disgust because you will always exist.

My only alternative is to make my peace with you and that is the purpose of this letter.

I have always been perfectly content with the way God made me. Most tease me and say I am fun size, but my personal favorite epithet is this.

“I’m travel size, for your convenience!”

See the source image

However, you could go away and I would never care. So, I am just going to say, I will bear with you. I will do my best not to want to glare at you every time I am presented with an opportunity to make use of you. And if, so help me, I am required to dust your vast expanses of out of reach-ness, I shall do my best to do so without a grumble. But no guarantees.

And you can bet that I will be taking advantage of all the taller people I can. If I can avoid you, I will.

Sincerely,
Your “fun-sized” tormentie.

11 thoughts on “A Letter To The Top Shelf

  1. This is gold! I feel your pain, all the way! Especially closet top shelves where boxes like to catch on the door frame when you try to pull them down…grr!

    But like you, I will try to be tolerant and take advantage of the tall people in my life!

    Like

  2. HAHAHA!!! I can so sympathize, being the shortest adult in the family! Even my 13 year old sister is taller than I am! And yes, I fully and unashamedly take advantage of all my taller siblings!

    Like

  3. Yesss! So true! I will be the shortest of my four siblings even though I’m the oldest! Trying to reach the top shelf isn’t fun, but at least one benefit is getting to call myself a mythical creature (hobbit) 🙂

    Like

  4. I got a chuckle out of this. I’m not tall, but I’m not short either. I’m a comfortable medium of 5’4″. But oh, that top shelf! My advise is to fill is full of the books no one ever reads (or hardly ever) that way it won’t be given the opportunity to cause things to fall, and you will only have to dust the edge. 😉

    Like

  5. Hehe!

    5’6″ here. I guess I’m able to reach most things, but there are those things that just *won’t* be reached. Unfortunately, no one in our house is taller than me, so that’s when it’s time to break out the stool. 😉

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s